Warning: This article contains sexually explicit language and potential triggers for those of you with findom addiction.
You wake up at 1pm. No work today. Just like every other day.
You check your phone. “You have received $50USD”. “You have received $100USD”. “You have received $300USD”.
You yawn. You put on a beautiful expensive dress, a golden necklace and a pair of brand new high heels. None of which you paid for.
You head out to the nicest coffee place and check your notifications. “Paypig Steve has messaged you”. “Paypig Adam has messaged you”. “Paypig Abdul has messaged you”.
You sigh. It’s time for the daily selfie. You hold the camera up high, trying to look cute and evil at the same time. You share the selfie to twitter and start writing your caption:
Which one of you paypiggys are going to buy me a new handbag today? Send Send Send! #Paypig #Findom #Cashrape
Time to respond to Paypig Steve. Your most loyal paypig.
PayPig Steve: I’m sorry goddess I know I promised I would send you $1000 today but my car broke down and I need the money to get it fixed. I can pay you at the end of the month…
Goddess Sarah: Pathetic little loser. Don’t make me double it ;)
Paypig Steve: But goddess…
Goddess Sarah: It’s up to $2000 now. You can’t resist me little boy. SEND NOW! ;)
Paypig Steve: Yes Goddess…
Goddess Sarah: Good Boy! ;)
Ding! You have received $2000. Sigh. Business as usual.
Financial Domination (Findom). A form of erotic humiliation in which one person gives control of their finances over to another.
Findom has been around for a long time in the BDSM community. But it’s only in the last decade that it has merged with social media. And it’s created an entirely new beast. A beast growing in size every single day.
Twitter and Instagram are crammed full Findom accounts. All of which posting abusive messages at men and demanding that they pay them. And guess what. It works.
At this very second, women across the world are making a living by sending kinky and abusive messages to men.
Curious men message these Findom accounts. The Findoms gradually ease these kinky men in. Asking for $10. Then $20. Then $50. Then $100. Getting paid via Cashapp or Paypal.
These men are known as “Paypigs” And often continue to send these Findoms money for years into the future.
Usually the money is sent digitally. But occasionally, a Paypig will meet his Findom in real life for a “Cash meet”.
What do these men get in return? Nothing. Only the chance to fulfil their kinky needs.
So what’s the problem? You may ask. Two consenting adults acting weird on the internet. Who cares.
Well. This is the problem:
Online Findom - A nightmare Addiction
Who are findom’s best customers? The addicts.
For some, being seduced into handing over your cash is a massive rush. In the same way that people can become addicted to porn, they can also become addicted to Findom.
Porn addiction is becoming addicted to sexual stimuli you’re watching on a screen. Findom is essentially the same thing. The difference is that this sexual stimuli talks back.
Not only does it talk back, but it will try to convince you to relapse. And this sexual stimuli is financially incentivised to be successful in doing so. They will purposefully try to trigger your addiction with tweets and messages. Saying the exact things that are most likely to trigger your relapse.
Just like a drug dealer, they will encourage you to start out with small doses. Usually to start with sending a “Tribute” of $20. This is designed to get their foot in the door. It’s only $20 after all. What harm is $20?
As times passes, more and more extreme stimuli is needed to get the same rush as the first hit (Like drugs and gambling). When it comes to Findom, the intensity of the rush is directly proportional to the amount of money being sent.
While sending $20 may give a newbie an initial rush, after 3 months of engaging in Findom $2000 will be required to get the same rush as that initial $20.
And sending the money is only a click away. Sending money digitally almost doesn’t feel real. Unlike cash where you have to give over a physical object, sending money digitally only requires a tap on the screen of your Smartphone. This makes it far easier to send more than you intended.
Findom, unlike most other addictions, has somebody on the other side of the screen personally easing you into the rabbit hole
What kind of people engage in Findom? Sure, it can be a healthy individual looking for a creative way to spend the evening. But let’s be honest. Generally speaking, men who engage in Findom tend to have the following traits:
– Low self worth
– Self destructive behaviour
– Need to escape life
– Lack of intimacy in life
– Difficulty maintaining a one-to-one relationship with a woman
– Need for a chemical ‘emotional’ high
This is financial exploitation. Findoms, whether they’re aware of it or not, are often exploiting pre-existing poor mental health for financial gain.
Findom addiction is serious. And it’s life destroying. It’s available in your pocket at anytime via your smartphone and can be accessed within around 20 seconds on Twitter or Instagram. (Smartphones are more or less a necessity in modern life, making it hard to put barriers between the addict and their addiction).
On top of that, there is almost no support whatsoever for the addiction. For most men, there is nobody to turn to for help. And to make things worse, it’s socially unacceptable and highly embarrassing. Meaning they’re very unlikely to seek help from their family and friends.
Findom is a unique addiction in that having your life ruined is part of the fetish itself. These men want to be completely humiliated (At least until they finish masturbating and they’re filled with regret).
In the BDSM community, it’s common knowledge that after any kind of submissive/dominant play, the Dom must give “Aftercare” to the sub. Aftercare generally involves the dominant and the submissive talking things through and enjoying some closeness.
To play a submissive role in BDSM play involves being highly vulnerable to another person. “Aftercare” insures that the play is not psychologically damaging to the submissive.
In online findom, aftercare is often non existent.
What does a findom addiction do to a person?
– Financial ruin
– Increasing debt levels
– Loss of property
– End of marriage/relationship
– Permanent psychological damage
Findom ruins marriages. It causes long-term psychological damage. It causes individuals to take out credit cards and loans in order to continue indulging in their addiction. It destroys savings accounts. It drains the college fund a father had been saving for his child.
But I can hear the cries already.
“It’s their own fault! They send the money willingly!” If this is what you’re thinking right now, this only shows that you don’t understand addiction.
Because addicts can’t give consent.
Being an addict means you’re not in control of your own actions. Which means that enabling their addiction for profit is non-consensual.
And so you have to wonder, who are these Findoms? How can they live with themselves?
Self-Justification Of Addiction ENABLING
Self-justification is like sliding down a pyramid.
At the top of your pyramid you make your choice. Once you’ve made your choice you begin your slide down. Cognitive dissonance sets in. You need to calm the turmoil inside your mind. So you lie to yourself. You self-justify. Over and over again.
By the time you reach the bottom of the pyramid you’re fully convinced that you’re doing nothing wrong.
People use almost exactly the same self-justifications to sell drugs. If you’ve ever wondered how heroin dealers can live with themselves, look no further than the psychological mechanism of self-justification.
Often these Findoms are self-justified to the point where they will even begin to play the victim. Complaining about “Timewasters” and collectively verbally destroying anyone who dares to suggest that their behaviour may be unethical.
And then you have the Dehumanisation.
The addicts they’re encouraging aren’t people. They’re Paypigs.
Pigs. Not humans.
Of course, this dehumanisation is part of the degradation and humiliation fetish. But consistently referring to a group of people as “pigs” is going to have an affect on the psychology of the Findom.
There is a whole online community of findoms online. Encouraging each other. Retweeting each other’s successes. Congratulating each other. And complaining about “Time wasters” together.
“It’s honestly hard to feel bad for taking their money when they’re so darn stupid, so I got over the guilt pretty quickly. If we have to deal with it all day every day we might as well capitalize on it, right?” Taken from this article.
The reality of online findom
Most Findoms are in it purely for the money. They want a lifestyle of lying around in their bedroom and watching money arrive on their Smartphone.
A lot of Findoms are college graduates who are trying to pay off their student loans. Most of them aren’t particularly interested in the kink. Most of them aren’t getting turned on by taking money off of men (Even if they say they are). But they are getting excited by all the free money. (In fact, it’s not only the Paypigs who get addicted, it can also be the Findoms themselves)
There are also Findom networks online who pay models to take photos and videos of themselves while the Twitter or Instagram accounts are actually run by someone else (If you’re talking to a Findom, it could be a man). And many of the kinky tweets and messages won’t be written by the girls in the photos, but by someone else. Someone else who is running a large number of fake Findom accounts like a business. (And raking in the cash)
For most online Findoms…
It’s not a kink. Its a business
Now there are real Findoms out there. Real women who actually get pleasure out of the domination side of the exchange. Women who care about the well-being of their Paypigs. Women who truly want the best for their Paypigs. Women who respect their Paypigs.
These are few and far between.
The average online Findom isn’t interested in being a BDSM mistress. They just want cash. So if you’re reading this and you’re thinking of trying online Findom. Drop your illusions now.
Legally speaking, Findom lies in the grey area. It’s not illegal because technically speaking, the man is handing over his cash willingly. And Findom addiction is a private addiction. One that doesn’t cause problems for the rest of society (Unlike drug addicts). The government aren’t going to regulate it. So for now, it’s the wild west.
The future of online findom
Findom is not a passing trend.
No matter what the future brings, there will always be men who enjoy being submissive in BDSM. And there will always be men who get a rush out of being humiliated by handing over their cash to someone.
The brain mechanism is in place. So this isn’t going away.
In fact, online findom is only going to grow in popularity as more and more teenage boys grow up with free and easy access to porn. And not just in your country, but around the world. Developing countries just beginning to get connected by technology will run into the exact same problem.
Virtual reality (VR) headsets are ready to become the next huge leap in technology. In VR you will be able to make eye-contact with your Findom and interact with them in a 3D world. Making the whole experience of handing over your money even more thrilling. And even more addictive.
There will always be women (And occasionally men) who will leap at this opportunity to make easy money.
You can expect the future to see a further rise in porn addiction and consequently Findom addiction. So what do we do?
People need to understand that while technology provides amazing opportunities, it also provides a thousand different ways to ruin your life. There are addictive pitfalls all around our modern world in all kinds of shapes and forms. Findom, Porn, MMORPGS, Social Media, Mobile Games, Online Shopping and Internet Addiction. To live a fulfilled life, these pitfalls must be detected and avoided.
And those profiting off of these addictions need to stop justifying their own actions.